Monday, August 02, 2010
Payin' some bills
You know how life is, eh?
Sometimes you look around and see that you've wronged people to the degree that it becomes necessary to say "sorry." And often times, you don't arrive at the realization until years later, with the help of time-deepened perspective. After all, decent people don't set out trying to hurt other people; it just works out that way sometimes. And sometimes, when the realization does finally occur, the tides of life have swept the aggrieved parties forever beyond your reach, and you can only hope that, somehow, they'll get the message.
With that in mind, I've got some bills to pay, today.
Jeff, old friend, I consider myself in your debt. I showed up on your door one Sunday; you dropped everything, and drove me from Eugene to Portland. You got me out of a sticky situation, and you didn't hesitate. I am sorry that years later, I said disrespectful, angry things to you.
Casey, I've never understood what happened; why you felt the need to drop out of sight. But, then again, that was a crazy time and passions were running high all around. It was the time of Big Change for all of us, and I was plenty crazy myself. I'm afraid that between the anti-depressants and the booze and everything else, I was running roughshod over a lot of people. I deeply regret that I behaved so callously toward you.
To the Basque Doña, who has never shown me anything but kindness and hospitality, please forgive me for being a thoughtless ass. I have no excuse I can offer. I can only stand here, with my hat in my hand, waiting. Which I will do.
To that other person who must remain unnamed, thanks so much for having the wisdom to do what I never could do. I owe you a debt of gratitude. You kept a clear head and got us out of the dangerous, confusing situation into which I, in my arrogance, had led us. I think you showed courage and I respect and admire you for it.
I suppose I will leave off there, for now. If I were to try to write an apology to everyone that was due, I wouldn't have much spare time between now and Curtain Call. But these are a few things that have been vexing me. And you know how we Germans are with our guilt.