Rah, rah, Ricky!

Okay, so maybe he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but at least a President Santorum would keep us safe from --er --well --never mind...

Former (Republican) Congressman Bob Ney, who now works for Talk Radio News Service reports that, heading into the big Super Tuesday Republican primary in Ohio, he received the following robocall from the Santorum campaign:

“Hi, my name is Brian Camenker; I’m a Jew from Massachusetts.
“And, this is Darcy Brandon; I’m a Christian from California. If you believe as we do that marriage and sexuality should only be between a man and a woman, please help us stop Mitt Romney.”
“As Governor, Romney signed ‘Gay Youth Pride Day’ proclamations, promoted homosexuality in our elementary schools, and unconstitutionally ordered state officials to make Massachusetts America’s first same-sex marriage state. Romney supports open homosexuality in the military, the appointment of homosexual judges, and the ENDA law, making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher. When you vote tomorrow, please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum, NOT for homosexuality and Mitt Romney.”

So, forgive my ignorance, but who are Brian Cameker and Darcy Brandon? I mean, besides being "a Jew from Massachusetts" and "a Christian from California?" (Never mind Muslims. We all know that they're in cahoots with homosexuals, anyway.) Whoever they may be, Ohio Republicans can be glad that Mr. Cameker and Ms. Brandon have clearly delineated the differences between Santorum and Romney.

A vote for Santorum is a vote for procreative, missionary-position sex (which, Santorum assures us, is the only sex that God approves of), while a vote for Romney will have us all hanging out around public restrooms late at night.

And, people please! If we don't act now to protect our kids from cross-dressing school teachers, next thing you know we'll all be buying feminine hygiene products at the grocery store!

Okay, sarcasm aside, let's have a look at what's going on here. It's Super Tuesday. Ten states hold primaries throughout the nation, with 419 of the 1144 delegates needed to win the Republican nomination at stake. Romney is in good position to win the lion's share of those delegates. After all, Santorum and Newt Gingrich didn't even make the ballot in Virginia, which is one of today's primary states.

So, for Santorum, Ohio looms large. 

Santorum's been shooting his mouth off a lot, lately, and it's hurt him. Since his big three state sweep last month, Santorum's gone from serious contender to ostracized religious fanatic. But in this age of mega-rich political donors, all Santorum needs to stay afloat is to show even a little electoral strength. Santorum's Daddy Warbucks, Foster Friess, who advocates aspirin between a woman's knees as the most effective birth control method, is surely willing to cut another fat check if he thinks Santorum has any momentum.

But what does it reveal about the nature of Santorum's support that, in pulling out all the stops to win votes, he falls back on that old Republican stem-winder: the Homosexual Menace? Could there possibly be a more condescending and contemptuous appeal to ignorance and fear?

What a sad, sad joke.