Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Joe the Plumber meet Octomom

Don't get your hopes up too much, but I think I may have an idea that, if it works out, could result in us all being rid of two of the most annoying presences in the mind-rotting national media circus. Of course, I'm talking about Joe the Plumber, and Octomom.

You remember Joe the Plumber, right? He was the hard-working Everyman from Ohio that challenged Barack Obama during the presidential campaign, saying to then-candidate Obama that his proposed tax plan, if enacted would prevent Joe from attaining his dream of buying a plumbing business. Of course, Joe the Plumber turned out not to be an actual plumber, and his real name turned out to be Samuel Wurzelbacher, but let's not split hairs, eh?

Don't tell me bald isn't sexy!
Since that immortal moment on the campaign trail when Joe stood up for all those pin-headed Republican throwbacks by confronting Obama and his "socialism," Joe has been a ubiquitous presence for all of us. He's written a book. He's gone to Gaza to report on the conflict there. He is said to be negotiating a record deal with a major label. There is even an effort to draft him to run as the Republican candidate for Ohio's 9th Congressional district. In fact, the public demand for Joe, Joe, and more Joe has become so taxing (if not to him, certainly to all the rest of us) that Joe has been compelled to hire a publicity management firm.

Well, I happen to know that Joe is a single dad. Presuming that he is heterosexual (he does have a son) and that he is a stand-up guy that wants to do right by his conservative, salt-of-the-earth ethos, have I got a gal for him...

Hey, Joe, meet Octomom!

Octomom (her real name is Nadya Suleman) is the mother of 14 children who recently made headlines when she was artificially inseminated and subsequently gave birth to a set of octuplets. The eight new little bundles of joy will join their six siblings and their unmarried, unemployed mother as participants in California's various public assistance programs.

Tawdry, yes... but also dishy!
Octomom is not a bad looking woman, after all. And she and Joe seem to have a lot in common. Octomom has also been making use of her new-found celebrity. She's considering a million dollar payday to participate in a porn film. (Contract negotiations are stalled... no doubt Octomom is insisting on artistic control...) And although her recent publicist quit, complaining that she was "nuts," I'm sure there are other publicists that will be glad to jump in and fill the gap.

I mean, really... Doesn't this seem like a match made in heaven? Joe, like a true-blue "values" conservative could step up and provide a role model for all those fatherless kids and hook up with a California hottie, herself a publicity hound, who looks vaguely like Angelina Jolie.

Frankly, I'm surprised some cable television whiz kid hasn't already pitched the idea to VH-1! Talk about public service! We need endure only one season of a reality television show where Joe would court the object of his affections, Octomom coyly pretending to keep her distance, culminating in a Vegas style wedding extravaganza. Kid Rock could do a rockin' version of the wedding march! And, to top it all off, we could finally be rid of both of them.

Come on, people. What say we all do what we can to get these two great kids together?


Shus li said...

In spite of this being a "silliness" posting, I actually learned something.

Having averted my ears from what I consider a RIDICULOUS situation, the birth of octuplets after taking fertility drugs, I did not realize she is a single mother. I think overbreeding is complete arrogance.

BESIDES - I hear she's seeing Tito the Builder on the sly. Has it been six weeks yet???

R said...

***applause, applause***

Follow the link to my new blog.