Friday, February 08, 2013

Burn, Karl, burn!

These are the Salad Days of national politics, Karl Rove. Salad Days.

The Republican party is in a shambles and at war with itself. John Boehner hates the Tea Party. Kentucky hates Mitch McConnell. Fox News hates Dick Morris and Sarah Palin. And, Karl, everyone hates you.

For me, it was enough that you humiliated yourself on election night. Your on-air meltdown when Fox called Ohio for President Obama was delightful. You had poor Megyn Kelly running back and forth between the set and the decision desk like a bleach-blonde marionette. I saw it live and savored every second. And I can't tell you how many times I've watched it on YouTube. It was like watching your worst enemy drowning in quicksand.

You spent $300 million to get Mitt Romney elected and win control of the Senate for the GOP and you failed spectacularly. That was money you'd suckered out of your plutocrat masters, and they didn't like it when they came up empty.

But here's the delicious irony: even though you blew through 300 million of their favorite dollars, you're responsible for the loss. You cost the GOP the Senate and perhaps even the White House. You're responsible for the GOP becoming the "stupid party." (Those are Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal's words, by the way.)

Back in 2004, you calculated that Junior Bush could get elected to a second term by stoking the homophobic and racist flames inherent in the Republican party.

Well, it worked. Despite Junior being a filthy liar and Dick Cheney a soulless villain, the Know-Nothings, the racists, and the rednecks (collectively known today as the Tea Party) swung the election in Junior's favor.

But therein lies the problem. You relied on the Tea Party, and they knew it. They knew they were the key to Republican electoral victory. And that knowledge has made them boisterous and demanding. Now, they actually have the temerity to expect the GOP to implement the policies to which they paid lip service.

Immigration reform?

No! Deportation!

Diplomacy and international consensus?

No! Bomb Iran!

Health care coverage?

No! Ban abortion!

As you well know, this kind of rhetoric is anathema to most of the electorate. Racial minorities, women, and pretty much anyone under 40 is repulsed by it.

By your own estimate, the GOP lost 7 senate seats over the last two election cycles because of the antics of people like Todd Akin, who believes that women can't get pregnant from "legitimate" rapes. Or Christine O'Donnell who felt compelled to come on television and assure voters that she wasn't a witch.

And that leaves you to try to kill this monster that you helped create. Just this week you announced that you're forming a new PAC, the Conservative Victory Project, that is expressly designed to slap down koo-koo crazy Tea Party candidates.

I can tell you this, Karl. Those people you're trying to slap down are a hateful lot. And while they'll always hate liberals and gays and racial minorities, they'll reserve a special hatred for you and people like you. You'll be the Judas, the Betrayer. They'll blame you for every electoral beating they take for the next 20 years.

So raise your money and go out and fight them. Go for the throat! Lay waste!

You might destroy them or they might destroy you. Or you might destroy each other.

But no matter how it works out, know I'll be watching. Watching and laughing.


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