Middle-aged body

32" in '91

I miss my 30-year-old body.  I miss standing on my bike pedals all the way up to the top of Murray Hill.  I miss charging up the steep trails in the Columbia Gorge only to look around and wonder why others were still huffing and puffing further down the slope.

What happened?   

Somewhere along the way, something changed and I smell a conspiracy.

I've always been a big eater, but I don't eat any more now than I did then.  Restaurateurs have apparently shrunk the space between table and bench.  I never had to squeeze into a seat in my twenties.

Brewers and distillers have changed their products, too.  I used to drink plenty every weekend.  Sometimes I had hangovers, but they were nothing like the debilitating malaise that descends upon me nowadays if I so much as sip a beer or two of an evening.

42" in '11

Don't bring up waist size, okay?  I don't want to talk about how my waist has expanded 10 inches over the last 20 years.  Don't mention weight, either.  I don't want to talk about those extra 60 pounds that came with the expanded waist.

It's a conspiracy, I tell you!  And I don't want to hear anything different.