Lord Cheney, Zombie King, curses from the grave

Horror! Horror!

Foolishly, I had hoped that we were finally rid of him. When they wheeled him off the dais at President Obama's inauguration ceremony I felt a surge of joy and relief. That misshapen monster, head lolling obscenely like some buzzard at feast, hands clutching, fingers hooked like grim bloody talons, being rolled away from the halls of power... the sight had me positively giddy. At that moment I dared to believe that we were forever quit of him, quit of his remorseless cruelty.

But, no!  This monster can never be fully vanquished. Just as Eden was forever marred by Lucifer's pride, so are these United States ever to carry within them the cancer of Richard B. Cheney. His evil will outlive his corporeal form, which, as anyone can see is deteriorating quickly. One wonders what vile oaths and dark rituals may have been performed in the darkness of his undisclosed location over the last 8 years to have stretched his mortal existence this far. Best not to think on it over much.

Anyway, the zombie king croaked out some more of his evil incantations today, during an interview with Politico. It's no surprise, of course, that Cheney would discard the decorum of tradition by criticizing his successors a mere two weeks after the change-over. None should expect less from him. But the vehemence of his criticism was exceptional. Here's the money quote:

“When we get people who are more concerned about reading the rights to an Al Qaeda terrorist than they are with protecting the United States against people who are absolutely committed to do anything they can to kill Americans, then I worry.” --Dick Cheney, February 4, 2009

Never mind that the beast is summoning all his demagogic talents to mischaracterize the policy changes made by the Obama administration in the most obvious way. For that 19% of mindless zealots that still approve of him, it is more the drone of his voice than the actual words that incite them to their blood lust.

No, for me, the real question is this: what is his motive? What does he hope to gain?

Does anyone object if I immediately rule out any possibility of his being sincere? Or truthful? Or genuine in his concern for the well-being of the American citizenry?

Anyone?

Okay, fine. I didn't think so.

At the risk of (yet again) letting my pie-in-the-sky hopes get the better of my reason, here's what I think: Cheney is making the opening play of his defense. I believe that, deep in the cold, black granite of his half-dead heart, he is afraid.

Cheney fears a special prosecutor.

• Recall that Cheney has already publicly admitted to authorizing "enhanced interrogation techniques" that have been ruled by judges to amount to torture. Attorney General Holder was not ambiguous about his own views on the matter.
  
  
• Then, there is still the investigation into the Valerie Plame affair in which Cheney's former chief of staff, Scooter Libby was convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice. Junior, in some fit of mind-bogglingly twisted ethos, declined to issue a pardon to Scooter before heading back to his Texas sh*thole. That means Scooter remains a convicted felon, which can't sit well. Sometimes a man gets the urge to sing, you know? Especially when it seems that he's the schmuck who got left holding the bag.
  
  
• And then, of course, former White House chief-of-staff Josh Bolton and White House counsel Harriet Meiers are currently in defiance of congressional subpoenas to answer questions about White House involvement in the Justice Department fiasco.
  
  
• Do I even need to mention Karl Rove?
  

In short, there are a lot of stinky, slimy slug trails that might just lead to Cheney's doorstep.

So, Cheney comes out guns a-blazin' with this salvo. Now, if and when any investigations are initiated, Cheney can squeal and whine about "partisan witch-hunts," claiming that such investigations are pay back for his "candor" about the Obama administration's supposed folly.

If my wild speculation is accurate, it's an interesting gambit. It puts Cheney in the position of secretly hoping that there will be a devastating terrorist attack on the United States during President Obama's term. In Cheney's mind, such an attack would vindicate all his excesses. Hell, he might even come away from it with a little love from the under-appreciative rabble.

Of course, if Cheney really does think that way, then he is truly the monster that his harshest critics believe him to be.

I guess those would include me.