Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sister Sarah's farewell tour: Weep, ye tea-baggers!

"It was all a dream, wasn't it? A beautiful, beautiful dream...
It's a pitiful state of affairs, really.

Here comes Sweet Sister Sarah, down from Alaska, brandishing that man-slaying wink of hers, and dropping in on Oprah and Barbra to chat about her new book:  Going Rogue:  An American Life.  Although I won't be reading it myself, I'm sure the book is destined to find its way onto every future bookshelf alongside leather-bound volumes of For Whom the Bell Tolls and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

What I find pitiful is the manner in which each tea-bag conservative, man and woman alike, laps up Sarah's every word like milk from the cow.  So enamored are they of this perfect vision of feminine, apple-pie wholesomeness that it matters not at all that everything she says... every... single... thing... is plain-as-day evidence that the woman has got nothing worth mentioning going on in the "smarts" department.  Don't believe me?  Take a look here or here, and see what you think.  Be objective!

How very sad!  Sometimes, all I can manage is a disbelieving laugh.  Can these people, these "conservatives" really and truly believe in this woman?  Do they actually imagine that she has a plan to lead them all back to the political Promised Land?  The woman who could not manage even to complete her one term as Governor of Alaska?

(And, yes, apparently they do!  See here or here!)

My friend Dave told me that he read somewhere that they love Sarah Palin because they believe that she will attack all those whom they despise: all the liberals and the illegal immigrants and the socialists and the Muslims and the smart women who make them feel inferior.  And because of that, she can do no wrong in their eyes.  

Well, let me take this opportunity to point out the obvious for any tea-bag patriot who might read these words:

Sarah Palin is not going to run for president.

She will soon disappear from public life to her home in Alaska, diving right back into the soap opera world she knew before Mad Johnny and the Boys came calling.  

For a while she'll pop up for a speaking appearance or some ceremony or another.  That will continue for as long as you continue to pay for it with your hard-earned money.  (But she won't be doing many political events.  Republicans don't take her seriously.  Ask David Brooks or Charles Krauthammer.)

Eventually, you'll wise up, and the money won't be as forth-coming.  She'll go away then.  You'll forget her as soon as you can find a replacement.

But right now, she is getting the reward that was promised to her by right-wing kingmakers.  She is getting rich.  And she's getting rich off you.  And you get nothing in return.

I wish I could say you read it here first.